are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize