God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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