Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
