Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
