You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
