a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love having hate sex.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
