Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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