dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This house was built for laser tag.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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