It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
