so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
