do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
