Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
