google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
