Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
