end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
