I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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