im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
