This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
