hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
