They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
