Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
