Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
