Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
