dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
