physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
