so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
