I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
