Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
