so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
