Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
