Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
