yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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