quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
