Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
