I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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