toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
