I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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