Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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