Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
