I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
