Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
