I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
