i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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