dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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