yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
