I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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