i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
