he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
