you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
