Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
