my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
