she looked like the before picture.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
