Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
