U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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