am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize