when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
