He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
