he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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