also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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