guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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