If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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