Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
