I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize