I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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