I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
