id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
