Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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