let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
