kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
