It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
