I hate your face
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
