I wish i was in the wii world.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
