Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
