I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
