no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
