Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
