did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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