I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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