you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize