I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
