please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
