ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
