bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
