Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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