btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
