Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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