I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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