i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
