My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
