The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
