just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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