I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize